Making our skies safe

A creative airline security program from Penn Jillette in Reason:

You know, we have the solution on how to do all the security: Have a man and woman at each gate leading to the airplane strip. They’re stripped from the waist down, and every passenger has to lean over and lightly kiss the genitals of the person of the same sex and then have a piece of bacon. And all hijacking just goes away.

You don’t have to actually have any sexual contact. Just enough so that anybody that has the sexual phobias of the Abrahamic religions [Judaism, Christianity, and Islam] has to violate that deeply. You probably don’t have to pay the two people; they would probably think it was a cool, fun thing to do. You just barely touch your lips with the genitals—just like that—and you have a little piece of bacon and you get on the plane. There’s no searching your luggage. No nothing. We’re all set.